Thursday, November 24, 2011

Weighty Issues

Dear weighing scale,

How could you do this to me? It is SO not fair, snifff... I made gulab jamoons, kaju katli, poha payasa and murukku for Diwali. How many did I eat? 1 of each. How many did J eat? 10-15 pieces of each. Last Sunday I made onion pakodas, you know rainy day, tea time snacks. I ate half a pakoda only to check if the seasonings are ok. J ate 9. Thats right, N-I-N-E.

What does he munch in his office? Raisins, no not the ordinary ones the man only eats chocolate covered raisins. What do I munch at home, 7 baby carrots with 1Tbsp hummus at 11pm then 1 apple at 3pm. J's exercise 25 steps from the door to the lift and 17 steps to his car then some 100 odd steps through the day, then punching the keyboard. Me, I bust my ass from 4.30 to 5.30am doing this,
laundry ok ok I don't handwash the clothes the machine does it, but I still hand fold them, washing dishes, cooking, vacuuming and the most calorie burning of it all-running after my hyper 16mo( what you didn't know I had a 16mo? Are you not my FB friend :D).

Even after all this how could you tell J- 'you have lost 1.8lbs since your last weigh-in' and tell me 'you have gained 1.8 lbs'?!

Sigh, I don't know what else to tell you except, I hate you.
Yours Insincerely,

Saturday, May 28, 2011

SJ gyaan

The term 'butterflies in my stomach' is ridiculous. Nobody has swallowed a butterfly whole to see if its going to flutter or drown in the HCl pool of your stomach. From this day on I coin a new term for that sick feeling you get in your stomach when you are anxious. Its called "loose motion feeling' nothing to laugh about. Everyone has had loose motion at least once in their life and know that 'gudu-gudu' feeling in the stomach so its more apt than the butterfly one.

yes, I am a born genius :D

Monday, April 18, 2011

Hair cuttery

I cannot do small talk. Yes, I know you guys must be shocked. Me, SJ the only-nonsense, 24/7 talking crap girl can't do small talk. Two reasons- I can't say what I really want to say (that would be disastrous) and in some places I just want to get the job done and go home. The hair salon is a good example. Just cut my hair tell how much, I pay we say bye bye I prefer it this way and so do the people in the Desi hair salon. But that freaking place is 15mins drive and I have to wait for J to take me there. The local one is a 5min walk from my place and I just had to lose 1kg (what better and easy way to lose weight than to cut your hair). And this was what happened.

She- Hello, what you want.
Me (what I said WS) - hair cut
(what I wanted to say WWS)- Bra fitting! WTH woman this is a hair salon right?

She- You want shampoo?
Me WS- yes
WWS- hell yeah!
I don't know you folks but I love to get my hair washed by hands other than mine. Just sit back and relax while those hands work magic..aaahhh..just like chocolate melting in your mouth. ahhhh.... sooo nice...yeahh there that area has been itching for some days yessss....ahhh...

She- My name Sun what yours?
WTH!!! Really, now? Introductions??!
WWS- Moon hahahhahaa...

She- you from India?
Me WS- yeah
WWS-Is that why you woke me up?

She- yeah I can tell.
Me WS- grin
WWS- great. Next year's Noble award goes to you.

She- India people have thick hair. Yours so thick.
Me WS- grin
WWS- ayooo..aunty please stop.

She- what you do for such thick hair?
Me WS- grin
WWS- eat gobar.

She- Now your hair heavy because its wet. Its heavy?
Me WS- yeah.
WWS- you want to weigh it?

She- ha ha your face so leetil, hair so heavy.
Me WS- grin
WWS- someone just kill me.

We then proceeded to her station for the hair cut.
cut cut cut
She- so thick your hair.
Me WS- grin
WWS- gun or machete which is better?

She- veeddy dry much hair.
Me WS-.....
WWS- Dear God, why thou me hatest?
cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut remember its veddy thick cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut

She- done. you like it?
Me- yeah. Can you just blow dry also?
The look on her face was just priceless LOL!
She- Blow dry is extra 10$.
Like that was going to deter me. I love a blow dry as much I love getting my hair shampooed by a stranger :D


She- so thick you need to thin it leetil
Me WS- .......
WWS- how? take bath in HCl?
She- ok all done.
Me WS-sigh (yeah I really did sigh)

OK now don't you guys start feeling sorry for Ms. Sun and start to think that I am a evil client. Ms. Sun convinced me that I needed some special shampoo and conditioner for my thick hair.

J- You were gone for so long!
Me- Yeah shampoo, cut and blow dry took time.
J- how much ?
Me- 70$
J- Whaaa?? Its just 20$ for a cut.
Me- Yeah, she made me buy some shampoo/conditioner and charged extra for the blow dry because I have 'veddy thick' hair.
J- The Desi salon is better, no?
Me- ..............